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Revision 902016-09-12 - WilliamBreadenMadden

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META TOPICPARENT name="WebHome"
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<		-- Will Breaden Madden - 2016-08-09
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>		-- Will Breaden Madden - 2016-09-12
 

The Hitchhiker's Guide to CERN

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  The CERN registration form registers you at CERN and grants you access to the CERN computer network and a CERN access card. Be sure to do this, as waiting to gain access to computers and the internet while at CERN can be frustrating because you need this for physics analysis and relaxing on the physics thread of 4chan /d/.
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<		The home institute declaration is a form that is required by the CERN User's Office each time you renew your CERN affiliation. There is the absurd belief at CERN that signatures are secure and, so, if a signature on this form appears to have been pasted into the document, they refuse it, likely frustrating your efforts to do science. In order to avoid this, reduce the quality of the PDF and remove its layers by converting it to a bitmap image and then into a PDF.
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>		The home institute declaration is a form that is required by the CERN User's Office each time you renew your CERN affiliation. There is the absurd belief at CERN that signatures are secure and, so, if a signature on this form appears to have been pasted into the document, they refuse it, likely frustrating your efforts to do science. In order to avoid this, reduce the quality of the PDF and remove its layers by converting it to a bitmap image and then convert it to a PDF.
  %CODE{lang="sh"}%
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  Mostly, you will use Swiss Francs (CHF), but Euros are accepted often and are needed for shopping in France (which is often cheaper than Switzerland). The best exchange rates are offered often with student accounts at banks (e.g., RBS). Note that generally banks require a day or two of notice in order to acquire Swiss Francs. Alternatively, Marks & Spencer offers generally decent exchange rates. There are some online methods that can reduce exchange costs further.
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<		Remember to push for the advance of Bitcoin in order to avoid this "currency exchange" nonsense.
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>		Remember to push for the advance of Bitcoin in order to avoid this "currency exchange" nonsense. LocalBitcoins is a pretty good way to buy and sell Bitcoins.
 

language

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<		English usually works, but having some French will help you. If you do not know a great deal of French, Google Translate is getting very good and you could have this at the ready on your mobile telephone. If you feel inclined to learn some French (or other languages, for that matter), you might consider trying out Memrise, a nifty learning website.
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>		English usually works, but having some French will help you. If you do not know a great deal of French, Google Translate is getting very good and you could have this at the ready on your mobile telephone (and it can be particularly helpful to ensure that you have an offline version). If you feel inclined to learn some French (or other languages, for that matter), you might consider trying out Memrise, a nifty learning website.
 

arriving

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  • Take bus 23 (going in the direction of ZIPLO) from the airport to Blandonnet and then take tram 18 (going in the direction of CERN) from Blandonnet to CERN.
  • Take bus Y (going in the direction Val-Thoiry) from the airport to CERN.
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The following information may be dated or obsolete:

In order to go from the airport to CERN, take bus 57 (in the direction Gare Vernier-Meyrin) to Hôpital-La Tour and then take the tram (on Route de Meyrin) to CERN. The tram stops outside building 33, the reception building.

bus 57 stops:

  • Arrêt Gare Vernier-Meyrin
  • Voituriers
  • Jardin-Alpin-Vivarium
  • Forumeyrin
  • Meyrin-Mairie
  • Sainte-Cécile
  • Meyrin-Gravière
  • Champs-Fréchets
  • Vernes
  • Prulay
  • Meyrin-Village
  • Hôpital-La Tour
  • Alphonse-Large
  • Veyrot
  • Pré-de-la-Fontaine
  • Les Maladières
  • Gare ZIMEYSA
  • P+R Vernier-Meyrin
  • Signal
  • Renfile
  • Blandonnet
  • Grand-Hangar
  • ICC
  • Tour-de-Contrôle
  • WTC
  • Aéroport

 
CERN Shuttle Service

The CERN Shuttle is a less frequent but direct service that operates on weekday mornings and afternoons. If you do not have a CERN access card, you are permitted to have transportation to the CERN reception building (building 33).

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  Now, go to the CERN Users' office in building 500 and hand in your CERN registration form (making sure both sides are filled in). You should also hand in evidence of health insurance. If you don't have it, you can send it to the person you register with at a later date.
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<		Next, go to the ATLAS Secretariat on the top floor of the D wing of building 40 (the ATLAS/CMS building) and hand in your ATLAS registration form in order to get put onto the HR database. After the ATLAS registration, you can order a key for your office. For this, you simply fill out a requisition form(backup PDF copy, backup ODT copy) and send a copy of the form (a PDF is fine) to the ATLAS Secretariat. It takes about a day to have your new key made. You receive an e-mail when it is available and can collect it in building 55.
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>		Next, go to the ATLAS Secretariat on the top floor of the D wing of building 40 (the ATLAS/CMS building) and hand in your ATLAS registration form in order to get put onto the HR database. After the ATLAS registration, you can order a key for your office. For this, you simply fill out a requisition form(backup PDF copy, backup ODT copy) and send a copy of the form (a PDF is fine) to the ATLAS Secretariat. It takes about a day to have your new key made. You receive an e-mail when it is available with instructions on how to get it.
  Now, go to the ID Office in building 22 (which is near to gate B). Go up to the top floor first. Here you will receive details (user name and passcode) for internet access. You will also be instructed to do the Safety Information Registration (SIR). It is a set of online questions and it is not difficult. Now, go down to the ground floor. If you want, there are toilets on the ground floor with mirrors, so you can make yourself look very attractive before your photograph is taken. On the ground floor, you can get your photograph taken and your new CERN access card. Finally, go to your office, sit down and relax after all of that exercise.
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  It takes about a day to be put onto the HR database and you should be on this in order to register any portable computers you want to use at CERN. When you gain access to the CERN network, you can do the Safety Information Registration (SIR) by going to https://sir.cern.ch/. It is straightforward and some of the questions are quite amusing.
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<		If you want to have the loan of a free CERN bicycle, you could request one now. It can take a day or so for one to become available. See more details on CERN bicycles here.
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>		If you want to have the loan of a (usually free) CERN bicycle, you could request one now. It can take a day or so for one to become available. See more details on CERN bicycles here.
  If you need a key for the Glasgow ATLAS flat, one may be obtained from the CERN U.K. Liason Office. See more details here.
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  2015-03-06T220429.jpg
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Restaurant 1

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Restaurant 1 (R1)

  You can get decent food at Restaurant 1 in CERN. There are various areas to eat in; try them out. It is nice to sit outside with good weather, a view of Le Salève (a mountain) and the ATLAS building. Some food is available throughout the day, but there is more food available for breakfast, lunch and dinner. While the food is good, the conversation is the main thing that you go for. High quality physics talk is available in abundance.

Restaurant 1 is the only restaurant at CERN that is open at weekends and in the evenings for dinner.

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Restaurant 2

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Restaurant 2 (R2)

  obsolete link: menu for CERN Restaurant 2
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CERN bicycle

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<		CERN bicycles are provided free of charge. These are nice bikes that are serviced regularly and are a lovely way to get to CERN from Saint Genis-Pouilly, Meyrin or Mordor. How do you get one? First, fill out this form (or possibly this form) as necessary. Bring the form to the ATLAS secretariat. There, you can get it signed and stamped. Now, bring the form to building 124. There is a deposit of CHF100 to pay, which is returned to you when you return the bike, assuming you have not blown it up or something. You could consider requesting a bike with a front carrier on it if you think it would be a good idea to carry a small bag (/animal/drunken person) in it. You should receive an e-mail in a day or so letting you know that your bike is ready for collection.
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>		CERN bicycles are provided free of charge (usually). These are nice bikes that are serviced regularly and are a lovely way to get to CERN from Saint Genis-Pouilly, Meyrin or Mordor. How do you get one? First, fill out this form (or possibly this form) as necessary. Bring the form to the ATLAS secretariat. There, you can get it signed and stamped. Now, bring the form to building 124. There is a deposit of CHF100 to pay, which is returned to you when you return the bike, assuming you have not blown it up or something. You could consider requesting a bike with a front carrier on it if you think it would be a good idea to carry a small bag (/animal/drunken person) in it. You should receive an e-mail in a day or so letting you know that your bike is ready for collection.
  image of building 124
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CERN po-po

The Staff Rules and Regulations are absurdly vague, so if you do something CERN doesn't like, the rules can likely be retroactively defined in such a way as to ensure that you have broken them in some way. CERN computing rules are defined in Operational Circular Number 5. If you break a CERN "rule" and do so using CERN computer systems, then CERN'll automatically say that you've broken the computing rules too. CERN records a great deal, including every visible interaction you have with the internet and which Wi-Fi access points you are using, so, you should consider protecting yourself.

For the access points, the obvious things are to set devices either to not use Wi-Fi or to set them to use only certain access points.

For the internet access, Tor and VPN services can be of use because they can provide ensure that you are not directly using CERN computer systems.

AirVPN

AirVPN is based in Italy and offers servers in 15 countries, most of which are in Europe except for those in the US, Canada and Hong Kong. AirVPN supports only the OpenVPN protocol, regarding PPTP and L2TP/IPsec as being too insecure. Users can have up to 3 simultaneous connections. AirVPN permits users to P2P download from any of its servers. Up to three devices can be connected simultaneously with the same account. AirVPN offers VPN through Tor. In this configuration, the user connects first to the Tor network and then to AirVPN. This means that AirVPN does not have access to the user's IP address.

setup

The only personal information requested for signup is a valid e-mail address. Bitcoin payments are made via CoinBase. Once payment is made, the user receives a welcome e-mail containing useful links.

Eddie, the AirVPN client, can be set up on Ubuntu 16.04 using the following procedure:

%CODE{"bash"}% wget https://airvpn.org/repository/2.10/airvpn_linux_x64_debian.deb?r=0.6541006921488108

sudo apt-get -y install gksu sudo apt-get -y install mono-runtime sudo apt-get -y install mono-utils sudo apt-get -y install mono-reference-assemblies-2.0 sudo apt-get -y install openvpn sudo apt-get -y install stunnel4 sudo apt-get -y install mono-devel

sudo dpkg -i --ignore-depends=libmono-system-runtime2.0-cil --ignore-depends=libmono-winforms2.0-cil --ignore-depends=libmono-corlib2.0-cil airvpn_linux_x64_debian.deb %ENDCODE%

AirVPN can be set up on Cyanogen or Android using the following procedure:

  • Set up OpenVPN for Android.
  • Generate configuration files using the OpenVPN Configuration Generator. For example, configuration files for various countries can be generated, yielding files like AirVPN_France_TCP-443.ovpn.
  • Access OpenVPN for Android.
  • Select the import icon and then import .ovpn files as appropriate (selecting the floppy disk icon).
  • Select an imported profile to connect.

links

 

problems

CERN is quite a safe place and you are unlikely to experience real problems there. However...

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accessing CERN outside normal working hours

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<		Outside of normal working hours, you can use entrance B to access CERN.
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>		Outside of normal working hours, you can use entrance B to access CERN or the electronic gate at the reception (building 33).
 

Glasgow ATLAS commuter flat

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<		The CERN UKLO's favourite aparthotel, is a convenient, pleasant place with an unimpressive internet connection.
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>		The CERN UKLO's favourite aparthotel, is a convenient, pleasant place with an until-recently unimpressive internet connection.
 

internet

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Saint-Genis-Pouilly

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<		There's a circus that appears in Saint-Genis-Pouilly a few times per year. You know that the circus is in town when you randomly encounter a llama in the village. This is not a joke.
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>		There's a circus that appears in Saint-Genis-Pouilly a few times per year. You know that the circus is in town when you randomly encounter llamas, camels etc. in the village. This is not a joke.
  You can pick up nice bread and morning croissants from the friendly patisserie Mottier Vincent on Rue de Genève.
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entertainment, socialising

  • R1 is an obvious meeting place for conversation and drinks after work.
  • ÔBrasseur in Saint-Genis-Pouilly is nice, with its own decent beer and good vegetarian food options.
  • Charly's [sic] is a classic bar in Saint-Genis-Pouilly. It has the perfect combination of location, tacky fake bookshelves and slightly good cheap wine.
  • L'Usine (cultural centre of Geneva)
 

homeward bound

The CERN shuttle from CERN to the airport leaves from building 500 on each hour.

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